Dear Birth Control,

I never thought I would actually feel better when I came off you, but I really do, and I’m both relieved and horrified by that.

Love,

The fertile librarian

Dear Warm Winter Days,

I don’t know why you’re here, but I certainly love it and wouldn’t mind if you stayed forever.

Love,
The toasty librarian

Dear Ladies on the MegaBus,

Stop.  What are you doing?  Your stuff is literally everywhere—jackets on our chairs, bags on multiple seats.  Who do you think you are?  And then waking us up several times because you’re cold and need your jackets or because you are shaking the seats?  You’re self-centered and rude and I hope you miss your next bus.

Love,
The librarian you keep waking up

Dear Nintendo,

Thank you for making all my childhood dreams come true—and for ensuring my phone battery doesn’t last more than 12 hours ever again.

Love,

The Poke-Librarian

Dear North Carolina Couple Married For 59 Years,

In a world where marriage is seen as prison and people compete to see who could care less more, I find your devotion to each other very inspiring.  You fill my heart up with hope that one day I will be selfless and brave enough to love someone to the degree in which you two loved each other.

Love,
The hopeful, loving librarian

Dear Spanish Food Store I Just Discovered On Broome Street,

I am so excited to buy and eat one thousand items from your store!

Love,

The Spanish librarian

Dear Rude Woman On The Subway,

You know, when I first sat down next to you, I was surprised that you had managed to take up so much space on the seat using your coat and your bags.  But I was tired, and I wanted to read my book, so I smiled and sat down next to you.  And then you clicked your tongue and said “really?!” as if I was the fattest person on the train.  You certainly made me feel like I was.  Later, while you roughly elbowed me as you tried to put your iPad away, I was still thinking about how disgusted you made me feel about my own body.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Next time, do us all a favor, and stay home.

Love,

The too-fat librarian

Dear Pizza,

Why are you so many points now?  You’re so delicious and have always been there for me.  I love you.  Be less points.

Love,

The longing librarian

Dear Spaghetti Squash Fritters,

Why are you so delicious but take so long to cook?  I ate so many snacks waiting for you!

Love,

The hungry librarian

Dear Man Riding The Subway At 2 am In A Bathrobe,

Honestly, I’m more curious than anything else.  Are you even wearing pants?  Are you sleep-walking?  Or high?  Or both?  I mean, it’s a nice bathrobe.

Love,

The confused librarian