“Oh hello Ladies. I’m Edward Rochester. Ask me anything.”
How’s editing going?
Terrible. Danielle is having motivation issues.
Are you still afraid of the color blue?
YES! Who invented blue? I hate it! Why, just the other day, I spied the color on Danielle and decided to throw food at her until she left the room and changed her shirt.
Do you know any new songs?
Danielle has been trying to make me learn the Final Fantasy fanfare, but I’m going to torture her a little longer before I sing it all the way through.
Is it true that Danielle lines your cage with the calendars of libraries that do not meet her unobtainable standards?
Danielle doesn’t let me come to libraries with her because I like to let everyone within a ten mile radius know I’m here. Also, she says I make her look like a pirate, which would make her easy to spot. I think she would kill me if I ever pooped on a library since I’m pretty sure she likes them more than she likes me. In any case, the answer to your question is: no.
Why is Danielle so awesome?
Funny you should ask–I was just telling the other Edward in the reflecting wall the story of Danielle’s miraculous start. What happened was, over two decades ago, Danielle’s mom was taking a walk outside when a falling star fell into her hands. She swallowed it and gave birth to–What? That story’s been done before? Well shoot. Okay, so here’s how it happened: Danielle’s mom found out she was pregnant, but only after she had ingested pure, untainted awesome. Yes, she ate the box set of Doctor Who seasons one to six. Also, she watched a lot of nerdy television and learned new things while baby Danielle was growing. Thus, every cell of Danielle was saturated in nerdy, delicious awesome. She keeps yelling at me to mention that she’s the way she is because she is surrounded by awesome friends but is this “Ask Danielle?” Ugh–humans!