This week was filled with days when food was beyond my control.  There was a lot of surprise trips to restaurants, and a lot of surprise foods that made their way to me.  It was really hard, but I did the best I could with what I could control.  I gained weight this week as  result of it.  This weight could be the natural cycle of weight loss I tend to follow (three losses and a gain), which means next week is a definite loss, but the gain made me think of something that’s been bothered me for a while.

Many fat-allies tend to focus on the physical weight as both the issue and the celebration.  They assume I’m the happiest, proudest, most motivated when the scale tells me I should be, but this is a very damaging kind of thinking to fall into.  The support feels like a double-edged knife.  I get the message that they are proud of me for all of my hard work, and that they think I’m strong and amazing.  But the flip side of this is that they think these things because I am becoming less fat.

This then causes a greater problem.  If my friends are proud of me because I was able to lose weight, what does it now mean that this week I didn’t lose weight?  Whether or not they meant it, I can almost feel their cringes in the background.  Failing feels like I’m not able to human well enough, rather than something I should accept, grow from, and move on.  I’m already heavy enough–I don’t need to carry the unrealistic and unfair expectations of those watching me from the sidelines.

To truly be a support to your fat friends, I think it’s essential for people to forget the number.  Remember the person.  Ask them questions and really listen.  And if you’re not ready to change your life to better fit your fat friend in it, then don’t ask to begin with.  They may need something from you, and will be hurt when you don’t provide it.

Treat your friend like you would someone with a food allergy or someone with a special food restriction, like a vegetarian.  You wouldn’t turn around and tell your friend who has a severe peanut allergy that you’re throwing a peanut butter party, but they’re welcome to bring something they can eat.  And you wouldn’t treat them like they’re broken and need to learn to deal with the situations you’re throwing at them.

Being fat is not a sign of weakness, and it is not something that needs to be fixed.  We all, fatties included, need to stop treating it that way.  If your fat friends needs something, and you cannot or will not provide it, you need to tell them to their face so that they can find better friends.  They deserve good friends.

For me, my journey is partly about weight and partly about health.  I want to feel good in my body, which to me means getting stronger at the gym and having my hip pain stop.  Getting stronger isn’t related to the scale.  My hip pain may be.  Perhaps my hip pain is a result of me being heavier than I was when I started running–who knows?  My success, however, is going to be measured by whether or not I can start running again, not what I weigh.

This has been on my mind for a while, and I think gaining weight finally made it possible to start opening this box.

Beyond this, here’s a quick recap of my week.

Food

Guess who didn’t forget to take photos of her meals this week!  This fatty right here.  This week’s chosen recipe is:

Mustard Brussels Sprouts and Acorn Squashed Potatoes!

What you’ll need:

Lots of Brussels sprouts
1 acorn squash
2 chicken sausage links
1 jar of whole grain mustard
Parmesan cheese
Butter
Flour/Corn starch

First, cut your acorn squash in half and butter the halves up, then stick it in the oven.  Use your usual roasting time and temperature.  I had it in at 425 for 40 minutes.

Next, shred your Brussels sprouts.  What I did was cut each in half, then into strips vertically.  Then I manually separated the layers.  I put the sprouts in a pan and mixed in a little bit of butter.  As they cooked, I took out a bowl and mixed together 3/4 cup water, 1/2 tbs of flour (or corn starch).  After those are mixed, add in 2 tbs whole grain mustard and mix together.  This should be pretty liquidy, so you’ll want to put it in a pan and simmer until it gets thicker.  This took about 2-3 minutes for me.

When the Brussels sprouts become tender, add chicken sausage that has been cut into tiny chunks.  I cut each link into slices, and then each slice was cut into quarters.  Add these to the sprouts and cook until the sausage is well done.  Before serving, add in the mustard glaze and mix into the sprouts and sausage.

By this time, the squash should be done.  Take it out of the oven and using a glove and a spoon, scoop out the meaty inside into a bowl.  It should be so soft that it’s pretty instantly “mashed potato” status.  Add Parmesan cheese to taste.

Finally add servings of both to a plate and enjoy!

Exercise

I was able to get to the gym this week.  My hip was hurting a lot, which I think is a result of all the sitting I’ve been doing for NaNo writing.  I did manage to snag these cool pictures of me doing a Romanian dead-lift:

And here is me lifting up a ball and about to throw it really hard on the ground:

All the other photos from this series make me realize I have active scary face when working out.

This week is going to be a bit of a hard one with Thanksgiving coming up.  However, perhaps this year will be a surprising–I’ll make sure to take photos!

I’m wishing you patience and love this week.

Starting weight: 210.2 lbs

Current weight: 201.6 lbs

Total loss: -8.6 lbs