15 New Things I’ve Done Since Getting a Cat

1. Excitedly open a ton of fake mice.

2. Drop my earrings in the litter box.

3. Get covered in hair within eight seconds of coming home.

4. Feel my insides swell with love.

5. Scoop someone else’s poop.

6. Be interrupted every few seconds to pet him.

7. Want to know that my cat is doing so badly I have a brief moment of insanity where I consider texting him.

8. Touch raw tuna.

9. Shower in a bathroom that smells like cat farts.

10. Be greeted at the door by someone extremely happy I’m home.

11. Be reminded that 6:15 am is nomnom o’clock.

12. Hear purring all day every day.

13. Be drooled on by a toothless mouth.

14. Take one hundred million photos of my cat.

15. Lie about the amount of photos I just took of my cat.