Dear Other Woman,

There’s very little I can say to express the degree in which you have negatively changed my outlook on life and how you have stolen from me the fun belief I had that people are always good.  May someone show you a greater kindness.


His girlfriend at the time

15 Things I Got Way Too Excited About Doing For the First Time in My New Apartment

1. Turning the oven on.

2. Taking a shower (with the curtain).

3. Blogging.

4. Using the toaster oven.

5. Putting my dishes away in the right place.

6. Pooping.

7. Building my dresser (it hasn’t happened yet, so I’m technically still excited about it).

8. Getting dressed without everyone in the neighborhood knowing (thank you, window curtains).

9. Ordering take-out.

10. Planning where all my posters are going to go.

11. Sleeping on a real bed.

12. Putting my name on my mailbox.

13. Getting mail.

14. Mailing mail.

15. Cooking a real dinner.

Dear Universe,

We need to learn to communicate better.  I’m trying to listen to you, but you’re making it very difficult not to think you want me to spend my nights with Mama Cass and pizza.

Help me out–instead of shoving, try to help me become more loving, more patient, more amazing.  Give me peace when I am angry and help me forgive those who have wronged me.  Bring them love, and help them become better people.

Even though you have been ruthless lately, I still believe in your ability to be kind and to help us all heal.


The chick ready to beg

15 Awesome Things About Leaving Your Gross, Cheating Boyfriend

These are just my findings–feel free to share your own!

1. You get your own space again–no sharing the bed, covers, or dessert!

2. You can go see whatever movie you want when you want to see it.

3. No worries about other women or men!  In fact, take him!  He’s yours!  No give backs!

4. You can flirt back without feeling guilty.

5. You can burn all the things that remind you of him–make it a party!

6. You don’t have to make time for stupidhead anymore.  Gym tonight?  Sweet.

7. You don’t have to put pants on ever again.  Or a bra.  Or anything at all.

8. You can have whatever you want for dinner, and have it delivered.  Also, you can eat it on the floor while playing your ps2.

9. Everyone gives you a high five.  The side effect of this is that you then realize how loved you are.

10. There’s nothing that’s going to make you unhappy once you’re in the groove.

11. Your apartment is probably about to get a lot cleaner.  And let’s face it, you won’t come home to an empty water pitcher anymore.

12. You get a redo on the next one.

13. You get to sleep with someone who actually knows what you like.  Right ladies?

14. If you have a sad day, it’s probably still not as sad as your best day with fartbreath.

Finally 15. You finally get to indulge your own passions and hobbies.  Your time is yours again!  LET THE BLOGS BEGIN!