Ask Steph – Changing Your Man

Dear Steph,

I love my boyfriend but there’s a lot about him I could change.  For example, how messy he is or how poorly he eats.  Does wanting him to be better at something like cleaning mean I am trying to change him into a different man or are these changes okay to hope for?

Love,
I love you, you’re perfect, now change.

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Dear I love you, you’re perfect, now change,

It sounds as if the things you are looking to change are habits, not personality.  Trying to help your boyfriend better himself in ways such as cleaning the house, his health etc. doesn’t mean you want to change HIM.  Trying to change things such as how kind (or mean) he is, how selfish (or generous) he is or even his video gaming habits could be. As long as you love and accept your boyfriend for who he is on the inside, asking him to be a bit more cleanly or to eat healthier foods shouldn’t be a problem.  Try leading by example.  If you cook dinner, trying making something healthy, or help him clean up, that way it isn’t just you ‘preaching’ to him, and he can see that you are trying to make those changes as well.  It may be beneficial for you to ask your boyfriend if there are habitual changes he would like to see you do as well.  That way, he can see that this is not one sided and you would make changes for him as well.

Hope this helps!
Steffy

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