There’s this new sushi place by my job that makes the most delicious hand rolls. I keep going there for lunch. It’s never a regret! The only bad part is I can never eat them neatly. Hand rolls are the tacos of Japan.
Dear Guys Wearing Sun Glasses On The Subway,
You look really silly. You do realize you’re underground, right?
The chick trying to count how many you total
I promise you, sir
Fifty Shades of Grey will not
help you paint your house.
Well, I was literally in my apartment for about ten minutes before I had my first injury. Did you know: dishwashers can’t close if your finger is in the way? But, they’re going to try really hard to do so. My finger may not look so bad in the photo, but it hurts a lot and it’s all bruised and gross looking now. STUPID DISHWASHER. Stay tuned for the first photo of my toothbrush on the toilet.
You are a jerk. All I wanted was to cook my stupid (but absolutely delicious) pizza. I dreamed about it all day–planned it on the subway. I even suffered carrying some supplies home with the heavy load I was already carrying. But no. I had to microwave it because you didn’t work.
AND I had to pan-cook my french fries. May brownies explode inside you.
The chick glad that nothing works (including, apparently, the smoke alarm).
When they recommend
to devour books daily,
they did not mean it.