I have this thing for Alan Rickman. For the longest time, this movie plagued me. I wanted to be able to brag that I had seen everything sexy Alan had ever starred in, but while this movie existed, I couldn’t. Finally, it became available to watch online (thanks Netflix!) and I pounced on it. Let me tell you–I haven’t been this disappointed since I was nine and found out a certain fat man wasn’t real.
According to a summary I read, this was a “coming of age” tale. While this isn’t a lie, I’d like to argue that it’s more a jumbled mosh of crazies running about for more than two hours. Firstly, I felt like we were just tossed into the action without a proper introduction–and not in the good way. It was more of a “oh crap, did I just skip something in the beginning?” Once I started figuring out who everyone was, with some exceptions such as the constant weeper turned part-time nudist (I have no idea what that lady’s name is), and several of the male actors (like the old guy with facial hair and the good looking, mildly chubby one). I just didn’t understand why they were even around. There is nothing more distracting than to have characters mention someone as if I should know them, freak out because I can’t remember when they were introduced only to realize he never appeared in a scene before. Ugh.
Then there’s the whole super-disturbing ending (the middle wasn’t too comfortable either) to the movie. Alan Rickman’s character climbs the ladder of creeps, and the universe punishes him with a good whack to the noggin before thoroughly drowning him. Finally, everything concludes with the main character having another episode of the crazies. After a painfully perfect speech to her dead mother over the phone, the credits suddenly roll. What a terrible movie! Stay away from this one–I’m going to give it a 1.5/5





