Dear Woman Who Dumped Three Empty Plastic Bottles Onto Someone’s Front Lawn,
What were you thinking? Were they so insanely heavy and inconvenient that you couldn’t hold onto them until you saw someone’s trash–or better yet, a stray recycle bin? I should have honked at you and scared you silly, but by the time I caught you being an asshat in my rear-view mirror, I was already across the turnpike. I hope plastic attacks you wherever you go, like in that picture book where that kid litters and the garbage starts sticking to him every time he moves. You made me so angry! You deserve to have peanuts thrown at you from trees every time you leave your house.
The disgusted chick in the black corolla