Dear Squirrel Chewing On The Electrical Wires Above My Car,
Was it really necessary for you to chew on the ice coating the wires right when I was cleaning the snow off my car? I don’t know if you remember me, but I used to leave acorns out for you and your friends every autumn. And this is how you thank me? By dropping a clump of ice the size of a tennis ball on me? You must be the jerk that poops on my car all summer. I hope your teeth fall out.
The chick who thought she was going to die of blunt trauma to the head this afternoon