Dear Woman Staring At Her Neighbor’s Phone,
I’ve been trying to figure out if you’re her friend or if you’re just a really creepy person. By the way you’re now staring at another girl’s shoes, I’m voting no to the friend theory.
The chick with the book sitting across from you
I don’t understand.
What is the point of this book?
Maybe he was drunk?
I’ve grown so tired of talking about it that I almost wish it was no longer a part of my life.
1. People who yell on the subway.
2. People who block sidewalks/crosswalks/aisles/doors and stop to check their cellphone RIGHT THERE.
3. Parents with insane children.
4. People who eat on the subway.
5. Runners in the wrong lane.
6. Anyone doing yoga/chatting on the phone/pushing a stroller/having a romantic walk in my running lane.
7. People who smoke while walking on the sidewalk.
8. People who take up way more space than they should on the subway.
9. Rude individuals (especially those who mutter under their breath).
10. People who push/run/shove for a seat on the subway.
11. Lord have mercy–people who use their cell phones without headphones as if their phone did not come with a silent feature.
12. People who sit for less than four stops on a crowded train.
13. People who lean their whole body on the subway pole during rush hour.
14. People who spit/blow snot out of their noses in public.
15. Passive aggressive individuals.
I’m not sure that’s right.
I don’t think that symbol’s real.
A branch? That means love?
I’m not quite sure how I manage more than five papercuts in one afternoon.
1. Days when it isn’t below 30 degrees.
2. When my knees/back/hips don’t hurt
3. Knowing the places where I usually stop to walk and feeling okay to keep going.
4. When other runners smile at you.
5. Any time there’s no ice on the ground.
6. Times when I somehow predict the weather with the perfect outfit.
7. Feeling sore on rest days.
8. Beating my best time by one second.
9. Not stepping in a puddle.
10. Shirts with no tags.
11. Setting any new personal record.
12. Making a goal and reaching it.
13. Feeling excited or nervous before a race.
14. Running with a cool team.
15. Seeing physical proof I’m getting stronger.
Oh dear, I spilled jam.
It’s smeared all over the page.
Think she will notice?
Thinking about dying still manages to induce the most extreme panic.
1. There’s no heat at my laundry place.
2. Sometimes I pay for other people’s washes because I’m not paying attention.
3. I always think I am going to catch up on reading and I end up just playing games on my phone.
4. It’s crazy expensive.
5. I have to fold everything after I’m done.
6. It’s next to the burrito place and I always want a burrito.
7. People are rude and have loud conversations on their phone.
8. No wifi.
9. It closes early.
10. There are only a few seats.
11. The seats are super uncomfortable.
12. I can feel everyone judging when I don’t immediately fold my laundry.
13. Did I mention no heat?
14. It’s all the way down the block.
15. I’m too lazy to do it as often as I should.